Still Held : Baby Loss Retreat

When I entered the building of the 

Still Held Baby Loss Retreat

 I was nervous, but also had 

done lots of grounding work on the drive up to 

be ready to hold space

 for these women the best I could. 

But as this was my first experience supporting women in 

loss,  it was intimidating 

When I arrived I got greeted by Siobhan and all the other

facilitators, I was welcomed by a big hug, which I very much needed. 

Siobhan had given me the task after I got settled in 

to do a walk to the trail and stream to check how muddy it was and if the stream would accessable for petal drop & rock ceremony. 

I don’t think Siobhan had realized the gift she gave me. 

She gave me a moment, 

space in nature to truly consume what I was here for? 

Am I overstepping? Will I bring what they need from me? 

But once I got on the trail and allowed a moment. I knew I needed this. 

Working in birthwork doesn’t mean you can just push Infant & Pregnancy loss aside and act like you won’t have a client who may go through this. 

That mindset is what causes harmful & traumatic experiances for our clients in loss. 

Not being trained in trauma informed care causes 

a ripple affect that many may unknowingly be creating. 

Grief lives alongside us, you don’t just “get over it”

The people that expect these women to do that are why 

people are so hush hush of Infant & Pregnancy Loss because 

it is too “sad” or “atleast you ___” or “I can’t imagine” 

But how lonely must it be to not have people 

willing to sit and hold space with you. 

Once I realized this and brought myself 

back up out of my doubt. I told myself I would consume 

and listen fully to everyone in the room. 

So I did. I sat, I attended, I showed up and listened, I didn’t repeatedly try and fill 

silence with a comment or reassurance. 

My body language showed I cared and was present. When someone chose to confide in me I then spoke and did my best to hold their story with gentle care. 

About halfway thru the weekend, I would volunteer and help where was needed and then do the activities the other women were doing. 

I started feeling closer to my loved ones 

who had passed then I have in a very long time.

Expressing your grief and finding others alike is so important. 

With the busy life we have made,

 it is so easy to just skim it over and put it away 

and never deal with it. 

I remember hearing my friends say

 “oh that’s going to be so sad”

 before heading to this retreat. 

Which is a fair assumption, but truly, I felt so much JOY seeing these women be able to talk about their babies freely, not hesitate, not refrain, and gave them a moment for them to feel seen. 

These beautiful women gave me a very raw, unfiltered, brave lesson. As someone from the outside, 

I have learned to be more giving, hold their hand, offer a tissue .... or the whole box lol. 

Offer laughter, offer them respect for however they decide to grieve. 

By the end of the retreat I was participating and reflecting on my own grief, and I allowed myself to open up more than I have in a very long time. 

Maybe I was there to learn, and be more prepared for future clients I support in loss, but they truly gave me a gift I didn’t know I would leave with. 

I challenge everyone who reads this to sit with grief, allow joy to be in the mix of it all. But don’t avoid sad or depressing conversations. You may very well leave with more JOY then you thought. 

A note to the lovely women that I met: 

You are heard, you are seen and I will carry all your babies in my heart throughout my career and life.

Thank you so much for being so open to having me be witness.

Huge thank you to Siobhan for everything she does & creating such a beautiful retreat.

With so much love,

Beatrice